"You're just too nice for me, I was always afraid you were too nice for me. I like you so much, but I didn't feel it strong enough, something was missing."
My blood was boiling before I had even finished reading her full comment on my website.
No, don't turn it back on her. Don't make it about her being too nice. That's a bunch of BS!
You, (insert the name here of whoever's said the same thing to you) - this isn't about her, it's about you!
You're the coward. You're the one who won't do your own work.
You're the one who refuses to wake up from your own convenient programming that insists it's all about finding the "perfect" woman and that's the piece that's missing and then you'll magically have this complete perfect relationship that will make everything so easy for you!
No, don't hide behind that BS! That's NOT the way relationships work.
You don't get to be with someone for 6 months who's "too nice", afraid she's too nice the whole time, while you're playing the field, sleeping with someone else - "but it doesn't mean anything" - and then dropping the bomb that you "don't feel it strong enough."
Or, worse - "something's missing", when you don't have a clue what it means to have a real relationship where you actually put some real effort into it beyond expecting it not to jolt you awake to do your own work and grab a clue yourself when you've got an angel right there in front of you who's the nicest thing you're ever going to be lucky enough to get!
You know what you say to this guy? Try again asshole. Try again to do something different for a change.
Sure, you're trying. Sure you want to be a better guy who deserves someone you could only hope to have like this if she wasn't such a believer in what the power of love can do. But being that better guy means looking at yourself in the mirror for once and seeing why someone could ever be too nice for you unless there's something more YOU need to do!
Not her, you.
Sure, she'll figure this out. Enough of this kind of heartbreak will teach anyone to stop giving guys like you a chance.
But you're the problem here, going from woman to woman hoping to finally find the one that's right for you not because you're the right guy for any woman until you wake the hell up, but because you hope to find someone who finally stands up to you!
You know what else you'll get when she stands up to you? A door that slams shut in front of you.
She's gone.
That one you meet who you won't be able to manipulate with all the right moves in the beginning without anything long-term sustainable underneath might actually be the one you see as the challenge and you try to play your usual game with her.
But it won't work because in the end, there's nothing like a woman who knows her worth and won't be played to slam that door in your face.
That's what you take from this, sweet soul who had to deal with the fallout from losing a guy like this. You know who you are.
You know what was the most therapeutic thing I ever did? Turned my own "you're too nice for me" conversation into a phone call where I finally said what was really on my mind - "Go to hell, asshole. You don't get to treat me like this. You were lucky to have me and you're never going to have the chance to ever have someone as good as me again!"
He didn't. And I got someone so much better than he ever pretended to be. That's what you deserve!
Sending you so much love today! You're not broken. You're waking up!
Love,
Jane
Been here? Did someone say these words to you? Tell us what he said in the comments!
